笑话连篇

hw79

信徒：“万能的上帝啊，一万年对您来说是多长呢？”上帝：“我眨一下眼的功夫。”信徒：“那么10亿元钱呢？”上帝：“不过是我的一根头发而已。”信徒：“哦，慈悲的上帝啊，那就请您给我一根头发吧。”上帝：“没问题，等我眨一下眼之后给你。”

hw79

hw79:
大海为什么是蓝色的？……答：因为大海里有很多小鱼，小鱼一边游一边吐泡泡：“布噜~布噜~布噜(blue)…”

Hw79, That's cute!
:-)I have always thought it is because of the reflection... hehehe

Hi,Focus:
Please move your focus to the link below, you will also find cute staff there.
有趣的网络论坛新语(转贴) - 供大家一笑

Be cool.

focus

:-)Happy Dancing...

Blink 好一個東西倆相望!

(得嫻揾你飲茶.你邊好多平靚正歺館.I used to live at Finch & Midland when I arrived Canada.)

［此帖子已被 focus 在 2010-4-8 10:37:39 编辑过］

focus

<div> </div><div>香港的語文文化在世界上是獨特一格的，通常都是中西合璧，在一句說話中常常夾雜著一些英文，甚至只帶單一個英文字。在香港生活的人見怪不怪，習以為常。不知在國內或居住在世界各地的華人覺得怎樣。
近日朋友寄來一位仁兄的大作，看似打油詩，也像數白欖。讀起來相當押諳，因為每句尾都有一個英文字加上 \" ing \" ，意思非常貼切兼傳神。是一篇不可多得的現代潮流之通俗文字。在繁忙工作中，抽空細心欣賞，可以幫你輕鬆一下，暫時減輕壓力，不失為一清涼劑。相信此種文字在中國文化歷史中或許有機會留一小小位置。


人生何處不 laughing
閉上眼好好 thinking , 人生就像一幅 painting，
點點滴滴如何 coloring，還看你今怎樣 planning？

有人怨天尤人經常 crying，有人餐搵餐食掛住 shopping，
有人遊戲人間鍾情 playing，有人空談理想齋 talking；
也有人永不停步不斷 struggling，像薛家燕雖然百病纏身令她 suffering，
但為了子女將來的美好 living，依然不理手術後傷口仍在 paining，
繼續拍劇繼續 working，令聞者 worrying，聽者 touching，
都說母愛永遠最是 shinning。

時光列車在身旁高速 passing，頭上白髮告訴你青春不會 waiting，
你不期然開始 wondering，為何幸運\之神總是未有 coming，
前路數之不盡的蕉皮令你slipping，成功的燈塔卻遠在天邊未能climbing，
莫非永遠龍游淺\水，就像那條座頭鯨? swimming？

當初百多元買入匯豐當作 saving，誰知股票一再 falling，
怎不教人 shocking？
既然捉不到高位沽貨的 timing，又經歷身家大縮水的 losing，
開始看透富貴只如天際 clouding，這分鐘享受 winning，下一秒卻只有 nothing。
何不找一個陽光普照的 morning，走到郊外試試 hiking，
聽小鳥無愁地 singing，看地上蟻群悠閒地 walking，
還有風聲蟬鳴蛙叫讓你 listening；再放眼 looking，
天上飛鳥自在地 flying，是不是很好 feeling？

誰說人生 boring？
看大自然的 amazing，感受活的 pleasing! 來吧！ do something！
不要沉迷於 drinking或sleeping，總有人令你 missing，總有目標讓你朝running，
哪怕 dying，哪怕 raining，信自己是最 charming，
替自己在生命冊上預留一個 booking，寫下無悔今生的 happy ending！
最後讓我們 ask for God's blessing!</div>

focus

focus likes this story...Monkeys could be smarter than humans. Hope you do as well.



Chimp flogs champ in memory test
Article from: The Daily Telegraph
<div class=\"caption\">Not the same ape ... but here's an obviously cluey chimp playing, er,poker. While wearing a T-shirt. As you do </div>

January 26, 2008 12:00am

WHENscientists found out that chimps had better memories than students,there were unkind comments about the calibre of the human competitionthey faced.
But now an ape has gone one better, trouncing British memory champion Ben Pridmore.

Ayumu,a seven-year-old male brought up in captivity in Japan, did three timesas well as Mr Pridmore at a computer game which involved rememberingthe position of numbers on a screen.

Andthat's no mean feat - the 30-year-old accountant from Derby is capableof memorising the order of a shuffled pack of cards in under 30 seconds.

This amazing ape inspired us to put together a stunning picture gallery of primates doing human stuff. Check it our here.

Britain'sDaily Mail newspaper revealed both chimp and man watched a computerscreen on which five numbers flashed up at various positions beforebeing obscured by white squares.

They then had to touch thesquares in order of the numbers they concealed, from lowest to highest.When the numbers were shown for just a fifth of a second - the blink ofan eye - Ayumu got it right almost 90 per cent of the time.

His human opponent scored a rather less impressive 33 per cent.
Mr Pridmore, who spends his evenings memorising 400-digit numbers, ruefully acknowledged that he had met his match.
\"I'll never live it down,\" he admitted.
Thetests follow scientific experiments which pitted Ayumu, along withseveral other young chimps, against a group of university students.
Ayumu was the clear champion, doing twice as well as the humans.

Itis thought that young chimps are blessed with photographic memories,allowing them to remember patterns and sequences with amazing accuracy.

ProfessorTetsuro Matsuzawa, the Kyoto University researcher behind both sets ofexperiments, said: \"People still believe that humans are superior tochimpanzees in any domain of intelligence.
\"That is the prejudice of the people.
\"Chimpanzees can be clever in a specific task in comparison to humans.\"

［此帖子已被 focus 在 2010-4-8 23:03:06 编辑过］

focus

hw79:
昨天在沃尔玛，突然闹肚子，强忍着冲进卫生间，刚一蹲下就开始惊天动地的喷发，结一果隔壁的小孩大哭起来，她妈问她怎么了，她说，臭～～

...Focus 正搞掂個報稅, 續讀...
Hw79, 下次記著講声:\"Oh,I am so sorry! Honey. But I feel good...\"咾.

［此帖子已被 focus 在 2010-4-8 11:55:56 编辑过］

focus

Blink:

focus,
你令Blink感動呢，竟然花那么多寶貴時間\"從頭閱\"。Blink堅信有你及大家的參与及支持，笑話連篇一定會笑話百出，眾者介笑口常開。期待著...

Blink愚見，笑是一种很好的減壓方法，笑也是最好的良藥。不是嗎？心情開朗的要訣，就是常常笑。笑使你驅除任何的不快，笑使你百病全消。



[/quote

Absolutely agree with you here. Blink. Thank you for launching this topic. Let's get crazy!!!

［此帖子已被 focus 在 2010-4-9 3:27:26 编辑过］

hw79

focus:

hw79:
昨天在沃尔玛，突然闹肚子，强忍着冲进卫生间，刚一蹲下就开始惊天动地的喷发，结一果隔壁的小孩大哭起来，她妈问她怎么了，她说，臭～～

...Focus 正搞掂個報稅, 續讀...
Hw79, 下次記著講声:\"Oh,I am so sorry! Honey. But I feel good...\"咾.

［此帖子已被 focus 在 2010-4-8 11:55:56 编辑过］

No problem, be Focused.

focus

hw79:
大海为什么是蓝色的？……答：因为大海里有很多小鱼，小鱼一边游一边吐泡泡：“布噜~布噜~布噜(blue)…”

Hw79, That's cute!
:-)I have always thought it is because of the reflection... hehehe

Blink

老妈叫我翻译

老妈：这个“I don’t know.”是什么意思？
我说：“我不知道”
老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！
我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！
老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&.......(一顿爆揍)

老妈：你再给我说说这个，“I know.”什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。
我说：是“我知道”
老妈：知道就快说。
我说：就是“我知道”
老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？
我说：就是我知道呀！
老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍)

老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我再收拾你，你给我翻译一下“I know but I don’t want to tell you.”是什么意思？
我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧。
这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,I’m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me”是什么意思啊~?
我说:“我很烦,别烦我”
老妈:“找打,跟老妈这么说话”(于是被扁)

老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary”是何意啊？
我说:“查字典”
“查字典我还问你做甚”(被扁)
老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢？
我说:“你最好问别人”
“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打，我再问你:“use you head,then think it over”,又是什么意思啊!
我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想”
“臭小子,还敢耍我”接着又要动手。
我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”
“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”